Wrinkly faces..

Aging has a funny effect on people. Just to clarify for me aging would be going from 20s to 30s(Sorry, grandpa! Your story is still not funny yet).  We start losing our hair thanks to all the cheap gels we smeared on during college. We develop a stubborn beer belly (non drinkers, yours called a paunch. Live with it!). We get less aggressive and start forgiving people which frankly could just be hormonal changes. And all these things make us believe that we are getting mature and wiser and we have left their old self behind for good. In reality, we are just turning into big fat sissies.

 In the middle of all these growing up, when we are just about to reach that stage where we start embracing all the harsh realities of life, start believing that those college dreams were all a ruse and put up our rose tinted glasses for sale on ebay, something comes up. It punches (with a distinct ‘dhishoom’) a message on our face saying, “Boss, no more hiding behind your past failures and skeletons. No more justifying yourself just to sleep peacefully at night.  Get up and go for what you always wanted just like old days. Take it or go back to your current life which you were so despised 10 years back. ”


If we are smart enough we take that chance, not just to win what we couldn't get all those years back but also to relive the sleepless moments which made us believe we could be anybody we want. That we might own a fancy car, we might be the head of a company or we can get a US visa one day (it was still a realistic dream those days). Consistency is not one of life’s well known traits and a loser just might still win. 

Still if it doesn't work we shouldn't fret about it. Yes, it would hurl like hell all over again. But as long as we are ready to take then punch when it gets there and take it on our wrinkly face (Metaphorically, of course!) we just make it one day. 

Daily Fare

The Mumbai taxi drivers remind me of Ben Gunn from Treasure Island. Marooned in this island city of Mumbai with no way out for a long time, they lead a very different life from the hyped ones you see in the movies and travel shows. Their lives shuttle between cramped living places and abuses of their passengers. Most of them certainly don’t have any million dollar dreams. They are just so busy to get by that upon asking them about their future they just, look away.

There being a ban on auto rickshaws in South Mumbai, I have to end up taking a cab to and fro to the railway station every day. Unlike most taxis in other cities I have been to, these guys near my place hardly refuse to go to any place no matter how close by I was going, which I am sure will shock a whole lot of people. They tell me, most of them earn anywhere between a few hundreds to around one and a half grand depending upon the timing of their shift and end up paying a daily rent of minimum Rs 500 to the owner of the taxi. They are often harassed by the cops as many of the taxis run on fake permit. Anyways, showing a little interest in their story always make them start blabbering about their lives and wisdoms they learn from the Mumbai traffic.

Most of them come from places like U.P. and Bihar and claim to be from respectable families and higher castes. Once I asked them why doesn’t he drive a taxi in a city closer to his village and he says, “In a city like Delhi or Kanpur I might be recognized by a relative. That will be embarrassing.” I quipped out a cliché, “But there is nothing embarrassing about any work” and he replies, “It will not be embarrassing for me but, my parent won’t be able to show their faces in the society.” That shut me up! Few of them are yet to get over their pride over their “superior caste.” A driver once told me, “back in my village we wouldn’t have allowed these people in our house and now I drive them to places. Remember, I don’t salute them, I just salute their money.” I guess that’s just his frustration speaking. Some talk about the sad treatment they get from other passengers. Some enjoy talking about the state of the cricket and keep on asking scores of any ongoing match. Some show optimism in the improvement in their villages and hope to go back as soon as thinks get better. While others tell stories about how they charge their mobiles using a generator as they yet to get electricity in their villages.

Most of them seem to be nice people. If they cheat you they will do it politely which, for me, after my experiences in Kolkata and Bangalore is perfectly fine. It’s amazing to see their capacity to struggle it out just to survive while we splurge our cash on daily rides in their taxis.

Another City Passes By..

My last few days in Bangalore went by too swiftly to let me realize how I much I was about to miss that city. At that time I was way too distracted by the lure of the glitzy big city I was heading to. Bangalore came during a time when I just left the aegis of home and jumped into the fire of the “real world”. Well the real world turned to be overrated but Bangalore I fell in love with.

The city was magnificent. It had great weather, trees all around, a college which was ready to take me in and the smell of a new city ready to take the mantle of greatness from other metros. Over the last seven years it did waver a lot from it initial promise. But, lot of things got their sheen back after a small hiatus.

Bangalore was place where I learnt the ways of life. I turned from a pampered gullible child too scared of seniors on the first day of college to a guy who fought hard to get his way in the workplace. It certainly gets the credit of changing almost everything about me. I got my taste of rock and beer from the evenings I spent head banging in haze or listening classic rock and jazz sipping ice tea in Java City. It lets me boast of the great concerts of Satriani and Maiden I went to. It has to be blamed for the black rock band tees I wear all the time and all the kannada curses I spew out when I am disgusted.

It was my friends in Bangalore who taught me how to tuck in a shirt properly, made me understand the tricks of a good bottoms-up and the difference between classic milds and kings. It was my friends in Bangalore who encouraged me when I had another crush and lightened me up when I realized she too was committed. The list just goes on and on. Seven years is long time and with all such memories it’s hard not to miss the city.

It’s true, in time the glamour of Mumbai will replace some of the fond memories fade away. Until that time comes up every time I lazily sit in my balcony staring at the vast sea, it will be the memories of Bangalore which I will be cherishing.

Pic courtesy: http://www.shunya.net/Pictures/South%20India/Bangalore/BangaloreSunset1.jpg

My own disposition..

After working on the blog for a lot more than a year, it’s hard not to romanticize it as a comrade backing me through existence. Its uncomplaining demeanor while listening to my pseudo idealism is hardly appreciated while I rant out one sad joke after another. When writing out any of my opinion of the world around, it made me realize how little I know about what I write about. It argues with me over my views yet never has a smug smile when it wins. Sometimes it teams up with readers, thrashing out at me for any mistake or lack of standard. In this stage of being stuck in the work place for around twelve hours the blog is the only think keeping me in touch of my creative self and humbly lets me boast about it.

Yet the true example of its individual nature shows up when I stop writing for a while. Upon my return the initial awkwardness is always there. It’s like wondering “Should I ask him about his gal, wasn’t he the one who got dumped last time? Damn!!” There’s the whole process of getting to know it all over again and filling in the lost gaps. It requires spending time talking about the old days and what they were like. There always this irritating nag in the back of the head that’s keeps on saying “Am I saying the right thing?”, “am I confirming to the benchmark?”, “Is this the ‘me’ I want to project to the world?”. But some how it certainly does help in figuring out a new style and fetch better ideas on writing. There is always some new facet that we didn’t even realize existed last time. It always takes a few posts to get back the old flair and get reminded embarrassingly that last time there wasn’t any break up. Turns out his gold fish had died!!

Just another day in Myanmar...

So the world’s favorite pro-democratic fighter “Aung San Suu Kyi” has been put in another 18 months of house arrest. It hardly surprised anyone who is familiar with the Junta’s long and murky record of suppressing the democratic leader’s activities. What is even less surprising is the usual condemnation of the judgment by countries asking for more sanctions, etc. It’s more of a ritual than an effective measure. But what’s surprising is the lack of any retaliation from the people of Myanmar itself. It seems that they are hardly bothered about it and most of the media hype is just a propaganda created by other nations. Or it might be possible that the Junta’s reputation of brutality got the better of them and they decided to stay back. In any case, they don’t have the will to fight and thus don’t deserve and won’t get the freedom they seem to be dreaming of. A people’s revolution can never be underestimated no matter how tough the ruler may be. But it has to be led by the people not by foreign governments. Right now Myanmar doesn’t seem to be in any mood for change.

Meanwhile I wonder who’s more interested in bringing democracy to the country, nations who are finding it hard to lose out on the trading opportunities or Myanmar’s people who have got used to the state they are being forced to live in.

Hardest Changes…

“The hardest changes are always for good”, so one said. But that’s the last thing we care for, do we? It hurts and it hurts bad! These changes always involve a new way of life with no guarantee of being better. They always start with no one smiling back at us when we look over our shoulder every now and then. And it gets even worse when part of us says “Hey I didn’t ask for any of this”. But then the “rule book” doesn’t say anything about spreading out a menu of paths we can choose from. We just got to play along.

Even after we get through the change and reach the “good” part of the first line, I am sure there will be tinge of doubt asking the question “Was the entire price paid was worth it at all?”

Motivated??

Motivation is a funny thing. Once you start something new it’s brimming out of the pot. Wait for a moment and “POOF” it vanishes leaving behind fading smudges of alibis. The problem is not with finding motivation. It is readily available in every other roadside shop. The problem is finding motivation which sustains itself till the target is achieved.

Motivation is hugely influenced by the reasons behind our aspirations. One can’t be Chopin if he plays the piano for a “standing ovation”. To have the motivation to go ahead and be a pianist as great as Chopin one needs to be as passionate about the piano as he was. When one takes a lesson his dream should be of playing the piano alone for hours just to himself. The motivation from the desire to master every stage of learning sustains till the end. Learning the piano for any other motives will lead to the futile attempt to speed up to the end which will lead to the disappearance of the motivation. If one is passionate about what he does, then finding motivation will never be an issue.

So think before you do something just for the sake of applauses. I am sure there are quite a few things which you will actually enjoy doing and also fetch you approval from others.

Imperfections...

A major victim of “time passing by” is the appreciation of one’s own work. A few days back I was going through the poems I had written during my college days. It was mostly about the usual stuffs like the frustrations, failure, crushes and things I somewhat find too clichéd to write about now a days. Its funny how we and the things around us change and we are the last one to notice it. We don’t even notice the significant contribution we ourselves put to change these things. Coming back to the poems, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to make any changes (and improve) any of those poems. I wanted to make them more cheerful. I wanted to change the metaphors I used to describe things. I wanted to frame the verses in a better way. But then poems just do not pop out of nothing. They are the testimony of how one feels for different encounters which transpires in his life. They are the best way to tell who you actually were on that specific day. So even if you try to change the poem you wrote, all you will get is a new one which will show who you are today. You just can’t change something you had written in the past.

Maybe it’s better (and easier) to acknowledge them just as they are and accept that it’s because of what we felt and wrote earlier, we feel and write much better today.

Anyways, just for old times sake here’s the first poem I wrote:


Starry Nights…

Glint of the city fades away,
I flee from glaring heights,
From jeering dark lanes
From the betraying paths.

I head for the woods,
Befriended by the sultry night,
Stars wink excited..
As if meeting an old’ friend.

Sneaking through the clouds,
The moonlight hugs me.
Breeze swims across like angels,
Disappearing the last traces of sadness.

Deaf to the calling city.
Know I have to go back...
Face the glaring sun...
Trying to bring me to my knees.

But for the night I am trapped
I wrap myself by the shadows...
Under the aegis of sleepy trees...
Lying on the grass I just drift away.

Passion's Fruit..

How passionate are you about the work you do? Ask this question and you might end up getting some extreme answers. Some say, “I just love the challenges and the hurdles I face everyday in my work”. While some lesser fortunate guys would say, “I just switch off my mind when I come to work.”

I went to this local rock concert last Sunday. The bands were mostly local and were being massively criticized for their performance. But what really overwhelmed me was seeing these guys keep on playing their music so single-mindedly. I am sure they had their own doubts on the music they are making. Yet they had the enthusiasm to come on the stage and have a good time. That kind of passion and conviction is something I myself lack in life and obviously crave for.

I must admit the one thing which drew me to places like Barcamp or any local concert is to see these people who are so avidly engrossed in their work of interest. The fact that they are more interested in the process rather than the end results has always amazed me. These people are always enjoying the moment rather than bothering about the future.

It’s funny that while we are wasting our time judging them, these guys got the entire stage for them and are having the most amazing time of their lives.

Picture Perfect.....

The work of professional photographers has always amazed me. Few days back I went to a photo exhibition in Max Muller Bhavan in Bangalore. I must admit it was my first time to a photo exhibition. The theme was Bangalore and all the photographers showcased some aspect of Bangalore. What amazed me was the fact the pictures were of the every day places we visit and I never expected these places to look so awesome. The technicalities were amazingly taken care of. The way the moonlight reflected form the stream of water in front of the house or the way the light shone in the small shop in an empty lane was taken awfully nicely. Every element in the pictures kind of gave them a shade of a mystery novel.

It’s amazing the way these photographers not only take a picture but also gives it a certain character. If one looks at them closely he will surely find a story somewhere rooted in them. I believe, to be really good photographer one should be able to be imaginative enough to cook up a story and narrate it entirely in one picture. One should be passionate enough to create a parallel universe where a tree tilting on a road is actually a demon waiting to pounce on its prey, where there is always a killer hiding in a dark alley and where sky is always sinister blue with swirls of red dragons flying all around.

Democracy in my town...

Democracy for all its virtues has one major flaw. It’s run by the citizens. Citizens, who in many countries are narrow-minded, illiterate, unemployed superstitious, therefore very gullible. So when the powers are handed over to the common masses what is the guarantee that the country will be run better than any autocratic government. What is the guarantee that the people will not vote a candidate just because he is of their own caste, religion or any other factor while totally ignoring the fact that he might be incompetent for the job?

When anything goes wrong in the nation we immediately go about blaming these leaders for not acting “responsibly”. We completely ignore the fact that we were the one to elect them. We even ignore the fact that we have the complete right to take the mantle of the leadership if we think we are more capable to handle the situation than the existing leadership.

Its time we realize that the success of a democracy lies solely on its citizens. They are not only supposed to elect the right person but also volunteer to be the right person when there is a need. Democracy is not something which can be managed by laws. It needs to be fueled by the passion and desire of its citizens to have a secure and developed nation.

Looking back....

Attaining adulthood is like finally getting to know that there is nothing magical about the rainbow. The days of childhood illusions, daydreaming and innocence just vanishes away giving way to ambition, competition and lots of manipulations. Now it’s hard to find people whom one can trust. Minds have become so skeptical that there is always a lingering doubt even on the closed ones.

Even those “childhood heroes” who once brought a smile on our faces every time we see them, fade away. Circumstances just make us them or even ignore them and those who still command that respect are too few.

I sometimes miss those days when making friends was just about having a good time, when one’s favorite uncle was one who cracked the funniest jokes. When one use to be eager to return home from school to play in the locality. I miss those simple unadultrated joy we used to get by having the latest candy bar in the market. I miss those simpler days.

Economics of charity...

Lately, no other illusion broke like the illusions of the US financial institutions. And man!!! Wasn't it awfully dreadful. Completely wiping out three major companies in a matter of few weeks. Now all that's left of these companies are bewildered investors scrambling around looking for someone to blame.

The crisis started the day when these financial institutions decided to be more lenient in giving loans to people belonging to the sub prime category. There was always a inherent risk of these people defaulting in their loans. So to make their skeptical investors happy they charged a few extra percentage points in the interest rate of these people. But doesn't increasing the interest further increases the risk of defaulting. Its like charging less from the rich and more from the poor for the same thing. How did it appear as sound investments to these financial institutions?

Even the government was happy. Why wouldn't it be. Who wouldn't want to be known as the man who was responsible for 'delivering' houses to the poor.

So who should be blamed for this act of charity? These institutions, who foolishly ran after increasing profits while ignoring the need to make a strong foundation to fall on? Maybe, the government, for overlooking the emerging crisis just to appease their vote bank. Their very own citizens are blaming them for the whole mess. They should have certainly put more regulations to avert such a situations.

Its time for governments to realize a robust economy cant be created by giving away "hollow dreams" at expense of others. Its about investing on people who can return it at a higher value.
This is the only way a country can prosper.

An old dog in my alley says...

Stay away from obsession.It might end up taking your loved ones away..